Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
