woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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