Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
there is glitter all over my balls
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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