I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why didn't you poke me back
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
