Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Randomize
