I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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