I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
