96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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