I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
