I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
