I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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