she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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