Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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