the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
