Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
handjob tips. give me some.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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