dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
