You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
