a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
