And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
