cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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