Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
