do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
