he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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