i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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