Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
