Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
