Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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