she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
