My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
