everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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