Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
