How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize