i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
