don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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