He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
