I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
