If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
