haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
