i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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