***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
soo... how was my night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
