Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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