Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
