apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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