I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
