Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
