Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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