he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize