I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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