i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Pooping to opera.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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