Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
