I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You took a bar mat shot.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
