talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
