i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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