Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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