so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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