the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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