If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
