Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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