fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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