sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
