He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
