i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
