I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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