you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
