Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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