too bad you live with your parents still
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize