I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
