franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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