Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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