Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
