Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
