I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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