Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
