I'm eating all of the evidence.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
