Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
