Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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