so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
