Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
