I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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