piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
