My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
